During my senior year and the year following, I faced two major trials. Those years were very difficult for me. I struggled emotionally and spiritually. For some reason I have reflected on that time a lot during these last few months. It is amazing to look back and see how much I have grown since then as a direct result of those trials. I love this quote, "One small crack does not mean that you are broken, it means that you we're put to the test and you didn't fall apart" - Linda Poindexter
There is a poem I have though about a lot as I have reflected on that time in my life titled Footprints in the Sand. If you have not read it before I encourage you to look it up. It reminds me that Christ never EVER leaves us, especially during the hard times. The times when we feel most alone and thing we can't take anymore, that is when He lifts us. He carries us until we are able to stand on our own two feet again. But the miraculous thing is that although HE is the one carrying US, WE are the ones who are stronger in the end. Looking back now I can recognize the exact moment when the Savior started carrying me. I didn't recognize it at the time. It was still so incredibly hard. I didn't know how or if I would ever make it through. My faith was shaken. But He never left my side.
He is the Shepherd of our spirits. When we are wandering, He will call us back. When we are so lost that we cannot recognize His voice, He will search us out. I am so grateful for this gospel. It gives me such an incredible strength that I know I couldn't find anywhere else. I know it seems to be an often used phrase among church members but I honestly would not be the same person without the gospel in my life. Looking back on my trials, I know they would have broken me if I had not known that I could rely on The Lord. I am grateful that He still comes to us and lifts us up in times of need even if our faith is shaken. He loves us eternally and unconditionally. How wonderful it is to have that knowledge.
Friday, January 17, 2014
God's Will
I had already been attending the singles ward for a couple weeks but my membership records were still in the family ward. So my sweet visiting teachers from the family ward came to visit and I learned such an important lesson from the simple conversation we had.
They were asking me about my life. Have I chosen a major? Do I know what I want to do for work long term? Am I dating anybody? The answer to each of these questions was no, of course. I expressed my discouragement and nervousness about making the wrong decision. I have always had a hard time with decisions, especially major, life-altering decisions. I know I am not alone in this but it still gets me down occasionally.
Sister Shaha said something with me that changed my perspective completely. She shared the following quote from Brad Wilcox, "There is room enough in God's will for my will." Immediately a metaphor came to my mind. Our decisions are like a forest. There are many paths traveling through the forest. Some are well traveled while others are barely visible. Some are rocky while others are smooth. Some bring us right back where we started while others lead us a great distance from where we began. Some even travel out of the forest completely. But the entire forest is God's will. The great news is that no matter which path we choose, as long as it does not leave the forest, we are living within God's will. Each path will yield a very different journey, and some will bring different outcomes, but God will be there with each step on those paths. What comfort it brings to know this!
They were asking me about my life. Have I chosen a major? Do I know what I want to do for work long term? Am I dating anybody? The answer to each of these questions was no, of course. I expressed my discouragement and nervousness about making the wrong decision. I have always had a hard time with decisions, especially major, life-altering decisions. I know I am not alone in this but it still gets me down occasionally.
Sister Shaha said something with me that changed my perspective completely. She shared the following quote from Brad Wilcox, "There is room enough in God's will for my will." Immediately a metaphor came to my mind. Our decisions are like a forest. There are many paths traveling through the forest. Some are well traveled while others are barely visible. Some are rocky while others are smooth. Some bring us right back where we started while others lead us a great distance from where we began. Some even travel out of the forest completely. But the entire forest is God's will. The great news is that no matter which path we choose, as long as it does not leave the forest, we are living within God's will. Each path will yield a very different journey, and some will bring different outcomes, but God will be there with each step on those paths. What comfort it brings to know this!
Happiness is found in the LITTLE THINGS
More than once today I caught myself smiling at seemingly simple things. That is when my love for the concept of 'making your own happiness' grew. For memory's sake, and because they still make me happy, I'm going to list a few of the things that brightened my life today.
1) The sweet old man I spoke to on the phone who ended the call by saying, "Thanks for your help kid." Yes, I am a little younger than most people in insurance billing. And I love it!
2) The muffin I had for breakfast because my sister felt like baking last night.
3) The cute 80 year old patient who had the greatest sense of humor and made several funny comments about the fact that he couldn't remember his grandson's name. And his grandson's sweet response when his grandpa asked his name.
4) The polka dot socks on Dr. B's desk this morning that were given to him by "the sock guy."
5) The cute older gentlemen walking out of Fry's together trying to figure out where they had parked.
6) Each time the workers at insurance companies ended the call with, "Have a great weekend!" Thank goodness for the weekend!
Life is much better with a smile on your face!
1) The sweet old man I spoke to on the phone who ended the call by saying, "Thanks for your help kid." Yes, I am a little younger than most people in insurance billing. And I love it!
2) The muffin I had for breakfast because my sister felt like baking last night.
3) The cute 80 year old patient who had the greatest sense of humor and made several funny comments about the fact that he couldn't remember his grandson's name. And his grandson's sweet response when his grandpa asked his name.
4) The polka dot socks on Dr. B's desk this morning that were given to him by "the sock guy."
5) The cute older gentlemen walking out of Fry's together trying to figure out where they had parked.
6) Each time the workers at insurance companies ended the call with, "Have a great weekend!" Thank goodness for the weekend!
Life is much better with a smile on your face!
Monday, August 12, 2013
The Path We Walk
Again and again I am amazed at how life just seems to work out. One week I will be stressed to the breaking point trying to figure out what to do with my life, then the next week everything just falls into place and every last detail is taken care of. This time however, it was over the course of several months that I tried making decisions on what to do, none of which felt right, and suddenly one day it all just clicked!
At the beginning of this last spring semester I had decided that I would be starting on mission papers after I moved home in June, work all summer, and hopefully leave soon after that. How quickly things change! The more I thought about a mission and the more people asked about it, I started to hesitate and rethink the decision. I knew it was a great choice but I wasn't positive anymore that it was right for me. Then one day my bishop gave me some great advice. He told me that I needed to be 100% comfortable with my decision. He said it was fine to question my own abilities and wonder if I was truly prepared, that is normal for prospective missionaries. But he told me that I could never question whether or not a mission was a right decision. He cautioned me to pray and think really hard before moving forward if that was the way I felt. There was my answer!
Next I just had to decide what I would be doing if not serving a mission. I knew my time at EA was over. It had been a great year but I already felt ready to move on to something different.
The next time I came home to visit my family, I stopped by the dental office where I had worked before leaving for school and let them know that I would be moving home for good and would be available to work for longer than just one more summer. They were thrilled! I felt that little whisper inside assuring me that this was a step in the right direction.
Now what to do for school? Full time? Part time? CGCC? Online through EA? What to do? As I got back into the swing of things at work I realized that I loved it there! I had already been contemplating changing my major (because there wasn't enough change in my life already) and decided to look into Business Management. The more I continued to look into online classes through EA, the more appealing it became. All of my credits would stay in one place and the cost was something I just couldn't pass up! So I decided to give it a try and registered for a couple classes while I figured out if this was the right decision.
In the middle of all this I was told that I would be switching to a different position at work and they were taking me to LA for a weekend to receive a little training. Again, that little whisper telling me that this was where I needed to be. Side note: In LA, I got to share a hotel room with one of my best friends that I work with and it was a lot more fun than it was work! With this new position, there has been a lot of communication with my boss on what direction we want to take things with the office. One day, I was meeting with him after work and as he was sharing with me his vision for everything, it just hit me! Everything clicked! I love what I am doing, I love my job, I love my boss, and I have the best coworkers. I had been searching all around me trying to decide what to do with my life and I realized it had been right in front of me all this time. As soon as I realized this it was like a weight was lifted from my shoulders. Every day I felt so much less stress and I was so much happier!
And then I was thrown another curve ball. One Sunday before church, I received a call asking me to come meet with a member of our bishopric. He asked me if I would be willing to serve as the Assistant Secretary in our ward's Primary Presidency. I was shocked! Me? I'm only 20 years old! At first it was very intimidating. I wasn't even sure why I was given this calling. I loved my Sunday School class and I really enjoyed going to Relief Society. But as I sat in the back of the Primary room that day I felt that little whisper inside of me again. All at once I knew this was right. At some point, I would need the experience that I would gain from this calling. And I knew that although it would be difficult at first, I could do this!
It was then that I realized that sometimes the path we are searching for is the very path we are already walking.
At the beginning of this last spring semester I had decided that I would be starting on mission papers after I moved home in June, work all summer, and hopefully leave soon after that. How quickly things change! The more I thought about a mission and the more people asked about it, I started to hesitate and rethink the decision. I knew it was a great choice but I wasn't positive anymore that it was right for me. Then one day my bishop gave me some great advice. He told me that I needed to be 100% comfortable with my decision. He said it was fine to question my own abilities and wonder if I was truly prepared, that is normal for prospective missionaries. But he told me that I could never question whether or not a mission was a right decision. He cautioned me to pray and think really hard before moving forward if that was the way I felt. There was my answer!
Next I just had to decide what I would be doing if not serving a mission. I knew my time at EA was over. It had been a great year but I already felt ready to move on to something different.
The next time I came home to visit my family, I stopped by the dental office where I had worked before leaving for school and let them know that I would be moving home for good and would be available to work for longer than just one more summer. They were thrilled! I felt that little whisper inside assuring me that this was a step in the right direction.
Now what to do for school? Full time? Part time? CGCC? Online through EA? What to do? As I got back into the swing of things at work I realized that I loved it there! I had already been contemplating changing my major (because there wasn't enough change in my life already) and decided to look into Business Management. The more I continued to look into online classes through EA, the more appealing it became. All of my credits would stay in one place and the cost was something I just couldn't pass up! So I decided to give it a try and registered for a couple classes while I figured out if this was the right decision.
In the middle of all this I was told that I would be switching to a different position at work and they were taking me to LA for a weekend to receive a little training. Again, that little whisper telling me that this was where I needed to be. Side note: In LA, I got to share a hotel room with one of my best friends that I work with and it was a lot more fun than it was work! With this new position, there has been a lot of communication with my boss on what direction we want to take things with the office. One day, I was meeting with him after work and as he was sharing with me his vision for everything, it just hit me! Everything clicked! I love what I am doing, I love my job, I love my boss, and I have the best coworkers. I had been searching all around me trying to decide what to do with my life and I realized it had been right in front of me all this time. As soon as I realized this it was like a weight was lifted from my shoulders. Every day I felt so much less stress and I was so much happier!
And then I was thrown another curve ball. One Sunday before church, I received a call asking me to come meet with a member of our bishopric. He asked me if I would be willing to serve as the Assistant Secretary in our ward's Primary Presidency. I was shocked! Me? I'm only 20 years old! At first it was very intimidating. I wasn't even sure why I was given this calling. I loved my Sunday School class and I really enjoyed going to Relief Society. But as I sat in the back of the Primary room that day I felt that little whisper inside of me again. All at once I knew this was right. At some point, I would need the experience that I would gain from this calling. And I knew that although it would be difficult at first, I could do this!
It was then that I realized that sometimes the path we are searching for is the very path we are already walking.
Monday, March 25, 2013
Sunday Thoughts
Throughout my life I have met many people who have had such an incredible impact on my life. Coming to Thatcher I have met so many others who will probably never know all they have done for me. People who I know without a doubt in my mind were brought to me by Heavenly Father. They each have an important role to play in my life. These last few days I have spent a lot of time reflecting on these special people. I have made the decision to move back home at the end of this semester and continue my schooling there. I know that things will never again be the way they are now. The semester ends in May and we will all be heading different directions. But I know that because of the influence they have each had on my life, we all have a bond that will not be broken with time or separation. I love each of these people and I am so grateful for them.
RACHEL
I met Rachel six months ago. I met her through Chloe who is another dear friend of mine. Rachel and I would hang out every once in a while but only because I was there with Chloe. To me, Rachel was "Chloe's roommate" and not really one of my friends. Rachel and I grew closer and were really starting to be friends until Chloe moved back home. She had been the glue that held us all together as friends. The fall semester ended and when we came back for the spring semester I ran into Rachel and she gave me the biggest hug! I had felt like she wouldn't want to be my friend and had worried that she thought I was only her friend before because of Chloe. Boy was I wrong! All semester Rachel and I have been inseparable. We go to the temple every Tuesday because of a goal she set for herself and I am so grateful for the blessings I have received because of that goal she made. Although we are only two months into the semester I feel like Rachel and I, along with Paige, have each been through so much. We have all had some big hurdles stuck in our paths and with the help of each other have made it through with only a few bumps. Rachel has been by my side through everything this semester. It may seem like a short amount of time but in these past two months we have formed a bond that I will cherish for the rest of my life. She helps me to be happy when I am down, lets me know when I am just being stupid, and constantly keeps me laughing. Six months ago I would have never guessed that Rachel would become such an integral part of my life but I am so grateful that she has.
RACHEL
I met Rachel six months ago. I met her through Chloe who is another dear friend of mine. Rachel and I would hang out every once in a while but only because I was there with Chloe. To me, Rachel was "Chloe's roommate" and not really one of my friends. Rachel and I grew closer and were really starting to be friends until Chloe moved back home. She had been the glue that held us all together as friends. The fall semester ended and when we came back for the spring semester I ran into Rachel and she gave me the biggest hug! I had felt like she wouldn't want to be my friend and had worried that she thought I was only her friend before because of Chloe. Boy was I wrong! All semester Rachel and I have been inseparable. We go to the temple every Tuesday because of a goal she set for herself and I am so grateful for the blessings I have received because of that goal she made. Although we are only two months into the semester I feel like Rachel and I, along with Paige, have each been through so much. We have all had some big hurdles stuck in our paths and with the help of each other have made it through with only a few bumps. Rachel has been by my side through everything this semester. It may seem like a short amount of time but in these past two months we have formed a bond that I will cherish for the rest of my life. She helps me to be happy when I am down, lets me know when I am just being stupid, and constantly keeps me laughing. Six months ago I would have never guessed that Rachel would become such an integral part of my life but I am so grateful that she has.
PAIGE
Paigeypoo. I seriously don't even know where to start with this girl. She is the friend who knows exactly what and when I need something. She has all the right things to say at all the right times. And she understands that the majority of the time I don't tell someone what is on my mind so that I can get advice or know their opinion. I usually talk to someone about what is on my mind so that I can think things through as I put them into words and then have someone there to simply listen. My greatest memory with Paige however, is a night when I needed her most and she was there. Have you ever had one of those moments when someone is talking and you can just hear a difference in their voice and you know it really isn't them talking? That it's really the spirit talking through them? This happened one night with Paige. I was sitting on her bed sobbing and feeling sad about some trials that I have had in my past. She came and put her arms around me and said some very beautiful things that I will cherish and remember forever. Paige is one of the strongest, most amazing girls I know and I don't know what I would ever do without her.
MARIN
Marin and I were brought together in such a way that I know Heavenly Father had His hand in the situation. I decided to come to EA late in the summer and was not sure how I would find a place to live. One weekend my parents were in Duncan and happened to talk to someone who knew of a girl looking for a roommate. Shortly after that Marin was in Thatcher touring the campus and looking at different apartments. She ran into Kailey who was moving into our apartment and asked if they could look in her apartment. Kailey told her she needed one more roommate and it worked out for her. Both of us just happened to find this place and she was exactly what I needed at that time. We had both been through very similar experiences leading up to this point and she was able to give me the strength I needed to grow stronger, be happy, and learn who I truly am.
Marin and I were brought together in such a way that I know Heavenly Father had His hand in the situation. I decided to come to EA late in the summer and was not sure how I would find a place to live. One weekend my parents were in Duncan and happened to talk to someone who knew of a girl looking for a roommate. Shortly after that Marin was in Thatcher touring the campus and looking at different apartments. She ran into Kailey who was moving into our apartment and asked if they could look in her apartment. Kailey told her she needed one more roommate and it worked out for her. Both of us just happened to find this place and she was exactly what I needed at that time. We had both been through very similar experiences leading up to this point and she was able to give me the strength I needed to grow stronger, be happy, and learn who I truly am.
AUBRI
Aubri Lu. We met the summer before my junior year of high school. I saw her at a YCL meeting for Girl's Camp and just kinda thought she was one of those "cool girls" who wouldn't really like me. One of the leaders introduced us and I am so grateful that she did! Aubri and I became really close that summer and when I found out she was actually transferring to my high school that fall I was ecstatic! She tried to convince me to join the golf team with her and I told her she wouldn't be able to pay me enough money to join the team. It just wasn't something I would ever do... i joined the team and we took second at state that year. haha. But as the next year progressed I wasn't the greatest friend. Not that I ever did anything mean, but I just chose to spend time with my boyfriend over spending time with my friends. Often. Then came senior year. Aubri ended up in the hospital for the majority of that fall semester. I didn't visit her as much as I wish I could have. I still don't see her as much as I wish I could. We are both growing up and moving further and further away from each other. But this past week I went to institute with her and we got gelato after. That night I realized that no matter how much we grow up and no matter how far apart we may live, we will never grow apart. Aubri will always be like a sister to me. Even if we have to travel an entire day to see each other. I love her! I have learned more from this girl and her example to me than I think she will ever realize.
MY MOM
I know it may seem cheesy to mention my mom in a post like this but frankly I don't care. My mom is seriously one of my best friends. We haven't always been very close. I was not very nice to my mom when I was in high school. I said things to her and treated her in a way that I often regret. But in the last year we have grown closer than I ever thought possible. My mom has helped me through so many things and she is the first person I talk to about anything. I tell my mom everything. If two days have gone by since I last talked to her I call her just because it's been a while. I actually just did that yesterday. When I was explaining to Rachel the relationship I have with my mom I told her that my mom will be the first person I call on the day I get engaged. Not because I feel like she has to be or out of any obligation, but because she will truly be the first person I want to tell. I could go on and on and on about my mom and all the great things she has done for me. I love her. And I hope that someday when I grow up I can be a mom just like her.
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
Temple Tuesday
I have this really awesome friend named Rachel who has gotten me into the habit of going to the temple with her every Tuesday to do Baptisms for the Dead. It is something I really cherish and look forward to every week. I have gained a greater testimony and gratitude for temples. I have come to know that the temple truly is a place where I can feel closer to God and go to receive answers to any question I may have. This past month I have had some truly remarkable experiences in the temple. This week was an especially incredible experience.
Today was the second time that we have had to wait a few minutes in between confirmations and the baptisms. Our temple time always falls right at a time when the brethren are pulled away to help in another part of temple. The temple workers always apologize for making us wait but I honestly cherish those quiet minutes sitting there in the baptistry. It is a great time to pray and ponder about life. Today we sat there waiting for close to half an hour. One of the sister workers came over to us and gave each of us two sheets with the names of those we would be performing the baptisms for. She told us to read each of the names and to look at the dates listed and think about how long some of these people have been waiting for us to do their work. I had two people from the 1600s! There were also two women on my list who appeared to be sisters 2 years apart in age. The sweet temple worker told us that if the sisters had accepted the gospel in the next life then they would surely be there in the room with us. She then sat down and left us to our thoughts. I just kept looking over the names and thinking about these women. I became really familiar with their names and felt like I had a greater connection with them.
The baptistry is a fairly large room and there were only about 7 people in there. Yet as I looked around the mostly empty room I felt as though it was full of people. Happy, smiling, rejoicing people. People who had been waiting for years and years for this special day to come. As I watched the three girls before me enter the font I could feel the peace and joy of the day. I knew it was such a wonderful, sweet, celebratory day for so many people on the other side. I could truly feel these people with us and as I entered the font myself, the spirit I felt only became stronger. I am so grateful for the temple in my life and I am even more grateful that we have a temple only a couple minutes down the road. It truly makes every day a great day when I am able to go!
Today was the second time that we have had to wait a few minutes in between confirmations and the baptisms. Our temple time always falls right at a time when the brethren are pulled away to help in another part of temple. The temple workers always apologize for making us wait but I honestly cherish those quiet minutes sitting there in the baptistry. It is a great time to pray and ponder about life. Today we sat there waiting for close to half an hour. One of the sister workers came over to us and gave each of us two sheets with the names of those we would be performing the baptisms for. She told us to read each of the names and to look at the dates listed and think about how long some of these people have been waiting for us to do their work. I had two people from the 1600s! There were also two women on my list who appeared to be sisters 2 years apart in age. The sweet temple worker told us that if the sisters had accepted the gospel in the next life then they would surely be there in the room with us. She then sat down and left us to our thoughts. I just kept looking over the names and thinking about these women. I became really familiar with their names and felt like I had a greater connection with them.
The baptistry is a fairly large room and there were only about 7 people in there. Yet as I looked around the mostly empty room I felt as though it was full of people. Happy, smiling, rejoicing people. People who had been waiting for years and years for this special day to come. As I watched the three girls before me enter the font I could feel the peace and joy of the day. I knew it was such a wonderful, sweet, celebratory day for so many people on the other side. I could truly feel these people with us and as I entered the font myself, the spirit I felt only became stronger. I am so grateful for the temple in my life and I am even more grateful that we have a temple only a couple minutes down the road. It truly makes every day a great day when I am able to go!
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
My Passion
So I've been thinking about this for the last couple of weeks and I've just wanted to get it on here. I never realized how passionate I feel about my chosen career until I was asked why I chose that path. And now that I am taking education classes I seriously have that decision reaffirmed every day.
For as long as I can remember I've wanted to be a teacher. At first I wanted to be an elementary school teacher. As I grew up I began to have different experiences with people around me who had different disabilities. When my mom went back to school and decided to get a degree in special education she asked if I had ever thought about it. The thought had honestly never even occurred to me. I realized that I had loved every experience I had with those around me who had special needs and decided that was a career I wanted to pursue.
One experience in particular stands out in my mind. There is a home for adults with special needs call the Randolph House. I had the chance to go there twice with the youth from my ward to sing primary songs with the people who lived there. The second time I went is still a very special experience that I hold close to my heart. I was paired with a man who only wanted to sit in the chairs and did not want to walk around or sing the songs. I found myself feeling frustrated because I wanted to walk around and talk with the rest of the people there. Without going into detail I will just say that I had a very touching and humbling experience that made me realize how special these people really are and how close they are with God. It changed me. I realized how much I can learn from them and how much they can change my life.
I can't really explain my decision other than the fact that I just love the idea of it and seriously cannot wait to graduate and get started on my career. It warms my heart just thinking about it. I want to experience the pure joy and excitement that comes from seeing them accomplish something they have been working on for so long and help people who do not have the ability to help themselves. I just cannot even wait!
For as long as I can remember I've wanted to be a teacher. At first I wanted to be an elementary school teacher. As I grew up I began to have different experiences with people around me who had different disabilities. When my mom went back to school and decided to get a degree in special education she asked if I had ever thought about it. The thought had honestly never even occurred to me. I realized that I had loved every experience I had with those around me who had special needs and decided that was a career I wanted to pursue.
One experience in particular stands out in my mind. There is a home for adults with special needs call the Randolph House. I had the chance to go there twice with the youth from my ward to sing primary songs with the people who lived there. The second time I went is still a very special experience that I hold close to my heart. I was paired with a man who only wanted to sit in the chairs and did not want to walk around or sing the songs. I found myself feeling frustrated because I wanted to walk around and talk with the rest of the people there. Without going into detail I will just say that I had a very touching and humbling experience that made me realize how special these people really are and how close they are with God. It changed me. I realized how much I can learn from them and how much they can change my life.
I can't really explain my decision other than the fact that I just love the idea of it and seriously cannot wait to graduate and get started on my career. It warms my heart just thinking about it. I want to experience the pure joy and excitement that comes from seeing them accomplish something they have been working on for so long and help people who do not have the ability to help themselves. I just cannot even wait!
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